Who Took the Fun Out
of San Francisco?
Our granddaughter Hannah (age 13) flew to New Zealand
yesterday to spend a year there with Colin and Meagan. For the sake of prudence, we decided that she
should be accompanied as far as San Francisco by her Opa, me! She is an accomplished
traveler but in today’s travel environment so many things can go wrong and
having to transfer from domestic to international is a challenge in the best of
times. Our flight to SFO was scheduled
to depart at 4:40 pm from Dulles so we left the house at 1:00 pm to make sure
we allowed lots of time for all the paperwork and checking of luggage.
The airport was almost deserted when we arrived at 2:00 and
check-in was a breeze despite having to fill in more forms – forms that I had completely
electronically several days before. We
walked over to security, again a breeze and for some reason, apparently since
we were traveling together and she was a minor, we got the easy walk through
the metal detector as opposed to the full x-ray. This was a real plus. Since we had a bit more than two hours before
we had to board, I decided to take her to the Lufthansa Lounge for a late lunch.
Our gate was in Terminal C and the LH Lounge is in Terminal
B, but the new train connections are fast and efficient and we soon were
ensconced in the Senator Lounge at Lufthansa.
Hannah was mightily impressed with this lounge and it is a favorite of
mine at Dulles. They have lots of traditional German foods including little
sandwiches made from good German dark bread or pretzel bread, lots of cold
meats and cheeses, a variety of cold salads and assorted breads and
crackers. They also have some hot food,
which yesterday included a cream of asparagus soup, lemon chicken with peppers
and black olives, herbed rice and curry wurst.
I escorted her over to my favorite table – one that overlooks the runways
- and then brought her over to the buffet to explain anything with which she
might not have been familiar.
The girl was hungry, very hungry. With all of the emotion
associated with her departure she had not been able to eat any breakfast so she
stoked up and had a lovely time. I
usually have a few glasses of wine and Champagne but since I had
responsibilities at the other end of the flight, I demurred on my normal
rations and limited myself to two very small glasses of wine with my meal. After she had sampled most of what LH had to
offer, she ended with profiteroles and chocolate chip cookies and then we took
some fruit for her flight and headed to the gate.
We arrived exactly at boarding time only to find that the
plane was just pulling up to the gate, so I knew we would have a thirty minute
or more delay in boarding. Fortunately
there was a United Club right next to the gate and we went in there so that she
could call her mom and have a bit of a snack since it had been fifteen minutes
between meals. Actually, all she had was
a couple of Milano cookies and water, but it was much more enjoyable to sit in
the quiet of a lounge than in the chaos of the boarding area.
By 4:50 pm the plane was loaded and we were on board, but we
weren’t going anywhere since they were still fueling the plane and there was an
issue with the fuel truck not being able to get out of the way. When that issue was resolved, it seems that
the gate agent could not retract the jet way so we sat for another twenty
minutes, and by the time we pulled away from the gate it was 5:30. We did some circling while taxiing and then
found out that we - and all other planes heading west - were placed on a ground
hold for weather and there we sat for another forty minutes.
We finally got airborne by about 6 pm and the pilot
announced that we would get to SFO at 8:45 pm instead of 7 pm. Hannah’s flight to Auckland was scheduled to
leave at 9:45 pm. By now I was doing
mental gymnastics to figure out alternatives to her and my flights. I was supposed to just get her to Air New
Zealand, fill out the paper work for an unaccompanied minor, make sure the
flight took off, and then I was to get back on a return flight to Dulles at 10 pm.
Knowing that we’d have to change terminals at SFO in addition to all of this,
my mind was racing and I was sweating. Hannah,
however, was as cool as a cucumber and simply read, listened to music, played
with her electronics and spent the time constructively. Five and a half hours
later we were on final approach to SFO and by the time we got to the gate it
was 8:50 pm. United, in an effort to
facilitate the departure of those with tight international connections, asked
everyone to stay seated until the six of us with really tight times could
depart. This would have worked really
well if they had told the two wheelchair folks who were in the row behind the
exit to stay in their seats. Instead these folks stood in the aisle and it took
another seven minutes, yes I was timing it, to get them off the plane. There
was a woman in her thirties who was also heading to New Zealand and she did not
know the airport layout so the flight attendant asked me to guide her to the
gate.
The Byxbee Airport
Walk
She was very fit and very appreciative but she had never
seen the Byxbee Airport Walk. I almost
never run in an airport but my walk would challenge the fastest of normal
runners. I knew that Hannah could keep
up since I gave her a ‘test run’ at Dulles.
I told this woman to follow us and we were off to the races. It helped that I knew the terrain very well
and we were at the gate after about twelve minutes of moving fast. The woman heading to NZ was lagging behind
but at least we didn’t lose her! There was a large group of people at the gate
desk but I had my Air Crew badge hanging around my neck and showing. I felt like Moses parting the Red Sea; everyone
just assumed I was a pilot for the flight or something and they got out of the
way without my having to say a word. I
told the agent I had an unaccompanied minor and presented her with Hannah’s
passport, contact information for Colin and Meagan and for me, her baggage check
labels, her trip receipt and her two boarding passes for the flight to Auckland
and the connecting flight to Wellington.
This woman jumped to action, checked all the data against her records
and told Hannah to come behind the counter and stick with her. Within five minutes they had someone there to
take Hannah to her seat and make sure she had everything she needed to be
comfortable on the 13-hour flight. Just
before saying goodbye I gave here a small bag of lollipops from See’s so that
she could give them to those flight attendants that would be taking care of
her, thus making sure they would always be available to bring her what she
needed.
The Flying Fart that
Snores
Once she was on the plane there was nothing more for me to
do so I went to the United Lounge where I could watch her plane depart and
monitor the boarding time for my flight back to Dulles. I had thought that we
would be in SFO at about seven allowing us a few hours to get a light dinner,
but is was not to be and I don’t like purchasing food and eating it on the
plane so I went hungry. Once in the
lounge I plugged in Cindy’s iPad that she had lent me for the trip and grabbed
a double scotch and soda just before they closed the bar at 9:30. I placed myself
at the window with a view of the Air New Zealand plane and wrote a few quick
emails to Colin, who had set up a “Hannah Command Post” in Wellington; to
Meagan, who was at the Auckland airport to meet Hannah; and to Cindy, who as it
turns out was still awake at 12:30 am her time.
I caught my breath, relaxed a little, watched the big 747-400 taxi away
from the gate heading for Auckland and then wandered down to my gate, which I
could see from the lounge, for the 10 pm boarding.
The flight to SFO had been on a 757 and it was filled with
182 souls and was very tight. The flight
back was on an Airbus 319, the smallest of the Airbus models used by UA which
seats only 120 souls and is also very tight.
The flight was overbooked and UA left about 25 people at the gate. In the good old days, there were only three
good reasons to take a red-eye: late connections from Asia and Hawaii, cheaper
tickets, and/or getting another full day of vacation. Now, it seems that the fares are the same so
most of these folks were coming from Hawaii (wearing lots of leis and carrying chocolate
covered macadamia nuts), and also those who were extending their California vacation
well into the night. Most of these folks where already red-eyed before getting
onto the flight!
The gate was right next to a beer bar that also served hot
dogs with sauerkraut and fried onions, BBQ pulled pork sandwiches, lots of
fried food and a host of other tough to digest foods. Those already waiting at the gate were eating
pizza and other fast food and as they announced the boarding of the flight the
bar cleared out. It has been a very long
time since I have taken a red-eye and I had a bad feeling about this one. I know that technically any flight to Europe
is a red-eye in that it gets in at a very early hour after flying all night. However, at least on those flights the planes
are bigger and more comfortable and they give you blankets and pillows; they
serve food; and otherwise try to make it as civil and comfortable as possible. You can have a cocktail, some wine with dinner
and a Cognac and still have five hours to try and sleep. Not so on the domestic
red-eye. Here they herd you into a very
small space, which is made to seem smaller by the girth of most of the
passengers, they provide no amenities like blankets or pillows, there is a
very, very fast water service and then it is lights out while the crew rests.
I had booked well enough in advance to get an aisle seat in
the exit row so I had plenty of leg space for coach. What I didn’t have was a
lot of wiggle room since the two guys who sat next to me each weighed about 280
to 300 pounds and they were wide loads.
The guy next to me just spilled over into my seat and I’m sure he was
crushed on the other side also. When we were airborne the guy next to me lowered
his tray table and tried to lean on it, but it just sagged under his
weight. They did show some movies and TV
shows but, as on the outbound, my audio system wasn’t working so I just tried
to sleep. It was almost a mission
impossible. The gastro-intestinal aftereffects
of the various meals of the majority of those on the flight produced a not too
subtle aroma that just permeated the entire airplane. To this anti-aroma therapy was soon added the
auditory delight of dozens of overweight men snoring through the night. I had
neither nose nor ear plugs so I just tried to ignore everything and get some
sleep. It was not to be and I just sat
there like a dolt hoping for a three hundred mph tail wind to shorten or flight. It didn’t happen and we were in the air the
full five hours. These planes only cruise at about 360 mph compared to the 757
of 510 mph. Before landing they came by with bottles of water that they poured
into plastic cups followed by a carton of juice that they poured into the same plastic
cups but no coffee or tea. All in all a
very horrid flight by any standard other than safety. I was delighted to get
the heck out of there and into the ‘fresh’ air of Dulles.
I got home at about 8 am and went right to bed and slept
like a baby for two and a half hours.
Cindy, who was also tired from staying up late, joined me for a two-hour
nap that afternoon. Hannah arrived safe
and sound in Auckland at 5 pm our time and we Skyped with her at 7 pm when she
arrived in Wellington. All is well that
ends well!
Wm
